My Mourning Light

There is a blessing in mourning.
As mother and daughter we grew even closer after she transitioned into my spiritual mother. A closeness our earthly space could never allow. I was able to speak to her without interruption. Sob myself to sleep, feeling understood even though I couldn’t speak.

I couldn’t wait to greet her in my sleep. Sharing things with her soul I knew her heart could not take. She comforted me in my dreams. She promised to never leave me, I began to feel stronger while I was awake.

As the light comes through in the morning, I feel her blessing in my morning.

It was so hard to let her go. This is what I have grown to know, I have never been separated from her presence. I can access her counsel through my conscience.

When I find myself sitting just like she used to, that’s when I know she’s sitting with me. Everyone always told us we looked just alike. I never saw it until I looked for her in the mirror.

Overjoyed she smiled back at me, just as I remember.

I always saw mourning as darkness. No one told me, nor did I expect to see her every where every day.

We were both grandmothers the morning she died, I was thankful. My mom was able to share her love 3 generations wide

Now that she is my spiritual mom, I am thankful for her omnipresence spirit in the lives of her daughters, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Our family continues to celebrate my mother dear’s life everyday with ours.

Her loud and hearty laugh has become ours.

My mom used to laugh and say, it was easy to carrying me, but she had to pray through those horrible labor pains giving birth.

I’ve had horrible grieving pains giving my mom back to the earth.
As I pray to embrace my moms body is finally free; it gets easier to carry on knowing she now resides in me.

She was so proud of the 2 baby girls she brought into the world.

It was always just the 3 of us. Me, my mom and my only sister.
Father’s Day often fell on my sister’s birthday, June 19.
We didn’t have a father to celebrate with, but it was always a special day. My mom gave life to her first born on this day. My love, my bond, my blood link to my mom. We promised my mother we would take care of each other.

I know my mom rests knowing we have one another.

I don’t have to wait until we meet again. I love being me, still I hear her voice coming out of my mouth every now and then.

I create a visual, immortalizing her love and life with my pen.  

I feel her life blood continue, I find myself sitting just like she used to.

That’s when I know she’s sitting with me.

My mother’s love will always be.

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